A numbness has washed over many African-Americans who have become desensitized to seeing the lives of Black men being cut short as a result of police violence. We continue to  speak the names of victims on a long list that continues to grow. Jacob Blake, 29, of Kenosha, Wisconsin is the latest Black man to be added to the list. But in all cases where violence is inflicted on a single individual, the families and the community connected to the victim are also affected as a result of gun violence initiated at the hands of the state. In this case, it is Blake’s three male children, ages 3, 5, and 8, who were directly impacted as they watched their father receive seven bullets to the back at close range on August 23 by Kenosha police officer Rusten Sheskey, a seven-year veteran of the force. The trauma experienced by Blake’s children, while sudden, will not dissipate as quickly, and will most likely require years of therapy. It’s another example of how police violence spares no one in its path. 

The Reckoning spoke with two sets of Atlanta Black gay dads who are raising Black boys to discuss how Blake’s shooting has impacted the conversations they’re having as a family about police brutality, social unrest, and surviving in America when the color of your skin is perceived as a deadly weapon. 

Atlanta married couple Christopher Inniss and Shelton Stroman, who are raising a teenage son, tells The Reckoning that seeing the video of Blake’s shooting is a reminder that as parents they “could be in those shoes someday.”

“We have had “the talk” from an early age about what he is, and what that means to others who don’t look like him. At kitchen tables, night-time conversations in our bedroom, during drives to school, and in parting words, we share an unfortunate version of the same lessons given to young Black men for generations: "If you are stopped by a cop, do what he says, even if he's harassing you, even if you didn't do anything wrong. Let him arrest you. Keep your hands where he can see them. Do not reach for your wallet. Do not grab your phone. Do not raise your voice. Do not talk back,” said Inniss-Stroman. 

It’s a survival tactic that Black parents have instilled in their children for generations, but one that doesn’t always guarantee their safety. It’s a lesson that Atlanta married couple Jason and Anthony Henderson-Strong, fathers to three children, tell The Reckoning their parents also passed down to them. 

“When I got my driver’s license my dad told me ‘your job is to come home.’ There’s a lot of stuff that’s not right, but the reality is they’ll put a bullet in your head. We can stand on this abstract principle of ‘that’s not right and I’m gonna do what I wanna do’ and might not make it home, or you can make it home and then fight the system,” said Henderson-Strong. 

The reality of the techniques Black men have had to employ for decades in an effort to stay alive before cell phone video validated our experiences with police is exhausting. But as Inniss-Stroman points out, these techniques can often rob Black boys of a piece of their childhood. 

“We shelter and protect our son as much as we can but we won’t always be there for him and he still has to deal with the real world that views him as a threat. We deal with the complexity of discussing safe practices and awareness for self-preservation while balancing the respect for authority and law enforcement at the same time. Imagine how confusing these adult ideas are to a teenage brain barely able to grasp daily mundane chores, homework. and puberty, “ said Inniss-Stroman. 

“We also know that as Black parents although we have a duty to protect him we will also be denying his childhood by burdening him with understanding beyond his years. The reality of living as a Black man in America will require us to cut short his childhood and deny him the innocence and carefree attitude that other White boys his age get to enjoy. We have to deal with that guilt as Black parents.”

In an interview with CNN, Blake’s uncle Justin Blake lamented on the impact of Blake’s young children having witnessed their father’s shooting: “If you can only imagine seeing your father, your loved one, shot by those who are supposed to protect your community, protect you, has to be a God-awful thing to live with,” said Blake. 

The decision by Blake to return to his vehicle in those tense moments that preceded his shooting left the Henderson-Strong’s puzzled as to why his instincts led him in the direction of his children while police weapons were drawn. 

“I wouldn’t bring danger around my kids, not in 2020 when I’ve seen police shoot dads in front of their kids (i.e. Philando Castile),” said Henderson-Strong. I’m the one who would have been like Oprah Winfrey in The Color Purple…”Get my children out of here!”

Blake’s children will need therapy 

A GoFundMe account established by Blake’s mother Julia Jackson the day after his shooting,  to assist with Blake’s medical expenses along with mental and grief counseling for his family has already raised over 2.2 million dollars towards its 3 million dollar goal. 

“A portion of these proceeds will also be used to benefit my son’s six children, some of whom witnessed this horrific act of violence, “ said Jackson. 

According to Justin Blake, “the family is already looking for an appropriate therapist or team of therapists.” 

In an interview with Yahoo News, Psychologist Reena B. Patel says that “very young kids who witness violent acts — whether in real life or simply through the media — may not be able to directly process their fears or even pinpoint them.”

She urges parents to talk with their kids of all ages about incidents of racial violence, whether they’re close to home or in the news. “If you don’t say anything, it speaks volumes,” said Patel. “It’s important to be honest and tell children that some people do get treated unfairly based on their skin color, culture, gender, even religion. By identifying and acknowledging that, you’re letting them know that it is wrong.”

Both the Henderson-Strong and Inniss-Stroman families say they believe in addressing the topics of racial inequality and police brutality head-on with their children in age-appropriate ways for them to understand. The Black gay fathers say they also believe the Blake children will more than likely have lifelong psychological scars and mistrust of police officers as a result of witnessing their father’s shooting.