Three is not a crowd for Que Brown, 28, Tye Brown, 26, and Martel Star, 27. The Tallahassee, FL and Mansfield, OH transplants are one of many Black gay polyamorous triads or “throuples” in Atlanta who are finding and creating healthy romantic partnerships outside of the traditional two-person monogamous relationship model. However, there is one distinction between their triad and others— these men are living and loving out loud, online and off, and are rejecting the stigma associated with polyamory that often pushes those within this relationship structure to the margins of society. 

For Star, an entertainer and avid social media user, it was only natural that he’d be open about their relationship on Instagram since social media played such a pivotal role in connecting him to Que and Tye, who had already settled into their seven-year relationship as a couple after initially meeting in a Tallahassee nightclub. The pair were married in 2017. The Browns tell The Reckoning the discussion about adding a third partner happened early in their marriage. 

“About two years in it was something that both of us had a conversation about, and we were both really open to the whole idea, and it was something that we talked about for a while before we ever acted on it,” said Tye Brown. “Once it started becoming something that we both knew we could comfortably do, that’s when we started to act on it. It was an interesting transition from the two of us to the third. It wasn’t hard, to be honest, and it’s not something you can do with everybody,” he said. 

A relationship first for the Browns, the men said they tried unsuccessfully to explore polyamory before relocating to Atlanta, but misconceptions and a general lack of knowledge around the dynamics of polyamorous relationships proved challenging. 

“Que and I would always joke that when we leave Tallahassee we’re gonna find our third boyfriend. And literally, that’s what happened, “said Tye Brown. “People in Tallahassee, itself, we would tell them that we’re in an open relationship and they were like, ‘so you just wanna be out here being a hoe.’ That’s not what this is about. A lot of people automatically assume that it’s a sexual thing and you try to explain that it’s more than that, and they’re like, ‘I don’t get it,” he said. 

Well, Star, who had been in a polyamorous relationship, got it. And his Jack’d profile, which is where he would eventually meet the Browns (head nod to Tyler Perry) lead with one important question: “Where are my two boyfriends?” 

“This is something that I’ve been talking about for a long time,” said Star. “I had a poly relationship back in 2012. The dynamics of the individuals did not work, but the functionality of the relationship itself was really successful. I knew it was something that I enjoyed,” he said. 

So when he began chatting with Que Brown on the popular dating app, it didn’t take long before two became three. 

“Ironically, when I started having a conversation with Martel and he gave me his number, when I went to put the number in my phone it was already there,” said Que Brown. “So I asked bae, I was like, oh you know him? And he was like, yeah. Once I figured out they already knew each other, we set it up to hang out and we went from there,” he said. 

“I was texting both of them and then Que text me and he was like, ‘yeah, so you’re looking for your two boyfriends? Well, you’re actually talking to my dude now.’ I was like, excuse me,“said Star as he clutched his imaginary pearls. “The next day they came over and we hung out.”

And then there were three 

The triad which began shortly after much of the country went into quarantine in 2020, will celebrate its first anniversary in April. While quarantine was a test that many traditional and non-traditional couples failed, the triad used the isolation to strengthen their bond and to define clear boundaries and methods of communication, which they say is the antithesis of how polyamorous relationships are often perceived by those on the outside looking in. 

“People are fascinated because there’s an additional person,” said Star. “Communication is still important. Being mindful of the needs of your partners is still important. Being mindful of how we deal with our friends and finances, and how we move throughout the day, all of those things are the same as you would find with a monogamous couple,” he said. 

“Although everything is similar to having two people, it is different because there is that third person,” said Que Brown. “So you have to do more of everything: more communicating because you’re including another person into that. When we go out on dates, somebody typically pays. One person may pay for drinks and tips and the other person will pay for the meal. We definitely find ways to make sure that it’s equal for everybody, which is important,” he said. 

For the Browns and Star, equality in their relationship also means removing the threat of infidelity, which continues to fuel divorce rates in the United States. The triad is closed to additional men, but the partners say they only have one rule: “to be open and communicate about what we were doing.”

“We’ve shown each other pictures of whoever it is that we were connecting with,” said Que Brown. “We believe in being open and honest about it," he said. 

But the men say they are aware of how volatile the reaction to their non-traditional relationship can be from traditionalists, recalling the number of times they’ve heard people say how challenging it can be with one partner and how they could never fathom dating two people simultaneously. Luckily, the Browns and Star say they have only received love and support from their friends and immediate family. 

“On my end, people have been very receptive,” said Tye Brown. “I’ve been very open with my immediate family and friends. If you normalize talking about it now, when it happens it won’t be like oh this happened! All of my friends and family weren’t surprised, they were very supportive.” 

“When we meet new people and we tell people who didn’t know, it’s a new interview,” said Star. “They have a million questions about how it works. I don’t think any of us have gotten a lot of negative feedback. ‘Oh, it couldn’t be me, I couldn’t deal with two people.’ Well baby, you’re sleeping alone right now,” Star shot back. “Worst case: you’re in a little two-week relationship like you’ve been doing. Best case: you actually find two people that you connect with and it works,” he said. 

According to Star, it was important for him to establish a deep emotional connection with each of his partners individually after becoming the third in an already established long-term relationship. 

“I knew I wanted to build individual relationships with them. So for me, they could never feel like...oh, he cares more about one than the other. I would never want either of them to feel that way,” he said. 

The same objective translates to the triad's approach to sex, whether it’s with two partners, all three, or solo: a loving and equitable experience where pleasure and emotional safety are centered for all involved, which can vary. 

"It depends on who’s here at the time,” said Star. “It’s the same as with everybody else. If somebody is ready and available, then let’s get it,” he said through laughter. 

Over the next few weeks, Star, who is not currently occupying the same space with the Browns, will make preparations with his partners to find a home for all three men to inhabit. It will be the newest chapter in a storybook romance unlike any we’ve become accustomed to reading—written and defined by the players involved, where the capacity to love reaches beyond two, to three.