For many, May, National Mental Health Awareness Month, marks the unofficial transition from Spring to Summer. As the famous phrase quips, “April showers bring May flowers.” In May, people can put away their umbrellas and enjoy the bliss that warm weather frequently ushers in.  The phrase "April showers bring May flowers" is a proverb suggesting a period of discomfort or difficulty often leads to growth, improvement, or positive outcomes. 

I want to highlight my long but important journey to being diagnosed with ADHD and how I am continuing to grow my flowers. The diagnosis was not the rain; instead, it was the sunlight needed to illuminate how and where I could grow. 

The Problem

No part of me ever considered that I could have ADHD until a friend recommended I be tested for the mental health condition. To me, forgetting things and racing thoughts were as normal as days ending in Y.  I honestly had no frame of reference that my mind was “neurodivergent.” This is incredibly interesting considering I have taught students with ADHD every single year since 2012. However, I now know that it is easier to see the signs in others than oneself. 

Admittedly, I was immediately caught off guard; like others, I had a skewed (and wrong) idea of what ADHD was and how it manifested itself. This is especially true for Black boys with ADHD who are less likely to be properly diagnosed with ADHD and receive treatment. It is not always unruly children who have wild emotions and outbursts. I may have talked a lot in school, but I was never violent or disruptive. Sometimes, ADHD is a young Black gay kid who gets so excited that he interrupts; I speak from experience. First, I was shocked to learn more about ADHD. As outlined by John Hopkins Medicine, Attention-Deficit.Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be categorized in 3 different ways: 

• ADHD, Predominantly Inattentive/Distractable: Individuals with this type often need help with maintaining focus, organizing tasks, and following through with activities. They may appear forgetful, easily distracted, and disorganized.

• ADHD, Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type: Individuals with this type tend to exhibit high levels of activity and impulsivity. They may have difficulty sitting still, act without thinking, and struggle with waiting their turn. They often appear restless and may interrupt others frequently.

• ADHD, Combined Type: This type includes a mix of inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive symptoms. Individuals may display a wide range of behaviors, including difficulty focusing, excessive energy, impulsive actions, and challenges in managing daily tasks and activities.

For me, I learned my ADHD is combined. Notably, some of my most obvious symptoms are losing items frequently (inattentive), excessive daydreaming (inattentive), interrupting others (hyperactive), and impulsive actions. These issues prompted a friend, whose birthday I missed, to ask me if I had ever been tested for ADHD. Around that same time, I also noticed I was experiencing severe procrastination that was impacting my writing/research.

Upon reflecting and researching, I could connect the dots to signs of ADHD and my life. I cannot focus for more than 20 minutes at a time, so issues like long panels, conferences, and idle sitting are tough. This could be worrisome, considering my field is predicated on such engagements. Additionally, as discussed with my primary therapist, I have been intentional about developing the skill of patience. 

In one of the most prominent and memorable examples that prompted me to get tested, my therapist asked me to envision a hypothetical scenario: “You need an item from the store, and you get there and realize you would have to wait 25 minutes in line. What would you do?” With nothing but sincerity and truth, I answered—I would rather switch to cooking something else, buy takeout, or go to another store than waste my time in line. But what was clear…there was no world where I would spend 25 minutes in a line. To my surprise, my therapist gave me other ways to look at the issue; many, if not most, people would still wait in that line. This was my “a ha” moment, my epiphany. There is a different way of thinking. 

The Process

I am grateful to have significant mental health coverage from my employer. However, it is important to acknowledge that this is only true for some. So, for many, their desire to receive help is financially impossible as ADHD tests can easily reach $3-5K. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis was quite an arduous process. I recognize that this is not a universal experience, but I also believe my story unveils patterns of injustice experienced by others.

First and foremost, it is highly encouraged, in some contexts, mandatory, that you have a referral and working relationship with a regular mental health clinician; this is already a privileged stance because regular access to mental health is costly and timely. Then, after you receive a referral from your regular therapist, you must locate a clinic that does ADHD testing. For me, there was only one clinic within 60 miles that was in my network and had an opening within three months. Then, I learned that the clinic had 3 total openings available over two days. Now, I was forced to choose from a preselected date and time regardless of my schedule.

So, to confirm, I was referred in July but received a test early in November. Then, I could only take the test on three times when the specialist was available: Tuesday, 10-2, Wednesday, 10-2, or Thursday, 9-1. This was the only option I had to receive a screening and potential diagnosis. I completed the extensive and grueling 3-4 hour screening in early November. 

The Outcome

At the end of the 4 hours, I was told to schedule my follow-up. I was mortified and floored when I was informed that the next available check-in would be in late February. I vocalized my discontent with this approach; I feel it is crucial to be transparent and honest about the extensive timeline. This is especially true considering we are discussing aspects of mental health. It is unfathomable to me that I could present an issue in July and not receive a diagnosis until February of the next year even when I see a therapist bi-weekly. But that is exactly what happened. My regular therapist also vocalized frustrations but acknowledged the timeline was out of our control.

Finally, in late February, I received a 10-page document titled “Neuropsychological Assessment” which detailed my test scores and interpreted my responses. I was diagnosed with ADHD.

However, the report, written in scientific language, was not readable, even for someone like myself who has a PhD in health communication. I would feel more confident translating hieroglyphics than interpreting scientific information in that report, even when it was about myself.

Just like we are continuing to work on decoding hieroglyphics, I am still analyzing how ADHD impacts my life, especially in the social and professional arenas. The process has been far from perfect, but it has been impactful. Now, I have been able to learn more about myself and develop an action plan. For example, I now use visual and audio cues to remind me of important tasks, and I break all of my work into 30-minute blocks. I also have learned to “gamify” tasks and explicitly avoid multitasking. Before, my mind thought that if I planted more flowers, that was inherently good/better. Now, with a diagnosis, my mindset is different- I know what seeds to plant and how to harvest the output. But maybe it is best to focus on one flower at a time.