For Gay Couples Collective Founders, Healthy Relationship Building Integral to Group’s Meetups
Reginald (L) and Kelvin (R) Thomas (Image courtesy of subject)
Ask the Thomas husbands, Reginald, 27, and Kelvin, 47, about when the idea for Gay Couples Collective was born, and you might get the same story but told quite differently.
Together for six years and married for two, the pair has created a group specifically for gay male couples who are intentionally building lasting connections, cultivating experiences, and empowering other married or engaged same-sex male couples.
Kelvin tells The Reckoning the idea was sparked sometime in 2020. The couple married on October 10, 2020 – ten, ten, twenty, they like to say – but felt the pull to relocate from the New York/New Jersey area they called home. Atlanta made the most sense, they said.
“We wanted to fully express our lives and live openly,” Kelvin said during a Zoom interview with The Reckoning. “We both had friends already living here in Atlanta.”
During a visit to North Carolina, they began discussing relationship building as a married couple.
“I had been married in the past,” added Kelvin. “When you are a heterosexual male living a heterosexual life, you have this community to support you. That is not to say that when we got married, we didn’t have people that supported us. But one of the things we noticed is that we did not see a lot of other married Black gay male couples.”
Reginald, however, remembers things a little differently.
“We wanted it to be inclusive. Anyone who wants to come to an environment where everyone feels celebrated is welcome.”
“Prior to 2020, we were randomly sitting in a restaurant in New Jersey, and Kelvin said, ‘We should have a couple’s weekend,’” Reginald remembers. “He envisioned it as a weekend to bring other couples together to just vibe out.”
Then one day in August 2021, Reginald woke up saying, “You know what? We are doing this. What do we want to call it?” They threw out a few names, and Reginald began designing, planning, and strategizing in real-time. By October of that year, they were having their first meetup.
“I totally forgot about that conversation,” laughed Kelvin.
The initial desire to vibe out is in the DNA of the collective; however, their passion for creating the Collective goes beyond just socializing.
Yes, people attend their meetups for the fellowship, but relationship growth and relationship building among the couples are important facets of their mission and purpose. Insight is shared through organic conversations on topics ranging from navigating difficult conversations to managing/resolving conflict to strategizing the kind of relationship and life the couples envision for themselves.
“The Collective is not about the only way that marriage should look. There is no cookie-cutter way. There is no manual,” said Kelvin. “We are passionate about giving back and serving others. Creating space for couples to share and talk openly with other couples without judgment is a great way to do that.”
“We are passionate about giving back and serving others. Creating space for couples to share and talk openly with other couples without judgment is a great way to do that.”
- Kelvin Thomas
The Collective is not exclusive to any specific gay male married or engaged demographic—Black to Vietnamese to Hispanic and Filipino couples attend their meetups.
“We wanted it to be inclusive,” said Reginald. “Anyone who wants to come to an environment where everyone feels celebrated is welcome.”
Recently a couple shared with them that the Collective fosters freedom of expression.
“What that shows me, and us, is that we have created a space where couples can just be themselves,” Reginald added.
“At the baseline, the one thing we have in common is that we are all with someone of the same sex. I can call mom, and she can give me some advice, but she doesn’t know what it is like to be with another alpha. [The Collective] is truly a safe space; without knowing it, we somehow all go through some of the same things, in some form or fashion, and can lean on others for support. I can be safe in a non-judgmental space where everyone has a ton of differences that each person brings to the table, and we celebrate the differences, but we also share this similarity.”
The couples’ feedback, which Reginald intentionally describes as unwarranted, also provides other insights for the Thomases. A few times, couples have admitted they were initially hesitant to attend meetups.
“They did not know what the Collective was about. That is something Kelvin and I have talked about a million times. We have workshopped language a million times of who we are, what we do, and how we show up,” said Reginald. “We want everyone to understand what we are doing. To be in a space with gay males when there is this [assumed] narrative of what happens when gay men come together. [The Collective] is a platonic social circle, not a swingers club.”
Gay Couples Collective Event Photo (Image courtesy of subject)
Celebrate the moments given
For the Christmas holiday this year, Gay Couples Collective will recognize the season with their final meetup of 2022. Couples will have the chance to share and reflect on the past year and what they look forward to in 2023.
“While we are having our last meetup of 2022 in December, we are gearing up for an exciting 2023 with some amazing things,” added Reginald. “We will kick off the New Year with our 2023 Gay Couples Vision Board Party. Couples from around the world will have the opportunity to walk through a proven framework that helps couples set clear intentions, identify what they wish to manifest in their relationship, and create a vision for success.”
Kelvin will lead the workshop to aid in bringing couples together—to dream together—and to focus on where they want to be in 2023.
The holiday is also a time for the Thomases to celebrate and reflect on their wins, losses, challenges, and opportunities moving forward.
Their approach to the holiday speaks to the dynamics of their partnership. With marketing and project management backgrounds, they work off each other’s strengths to execute the different facets of whatever they want to accomplish.
“Our wish and encouragement are to really embrace who you are and celebrate the moments you have been given, and know that you are loved, you are whole, and you are perfect in every way.”
- Reginald & Kelvin Thomas
Reginald is a lover of all things around the holiday season. Kelvin, because of his years of work in retail as the head of marketing and visual presentation, not so much, they said. However, they love to decorate their Christmas tree and the house, which includes changing out the kitchen towels and sofa pillows and adding candles and lights throughout the house for the holidays.
They plan to cook breakfast, open gifts, and relax on Christmas Day. Reginald loves Christmas movies and music, which always play throughout the day. That evening they will have Christmas dinner with a few family members.
“We know that the holidays can be challenging for many people and, at times, especially for the LGBTQIA community, as there are those who have strained family dynamics or those that have lost loved ones,” the couple said. “Our wish and encouragement are to really embrace who you are and celebrate the moments you have been given, and know that you are loved, you are whole, and you are perfect in every way.”
Mashaun D. Simon is an equity and inclusion advocate who centers his preaching, writing, and scholarship on cultural competency, identity, and equity.
He has written for NBC News and the Atlanta Daily World, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Black Enterprise, Bloomberg News, TheGrio.com, Ebony Magazine, BelieveOutLoud.com, and Essence Magazine. He has also created and managed cultural competency and affirmative action programming and training and in 2018, Mashaun organized and facilitated Kennesaw State University’s Faith and Sexuality Symposium on behalf of KSU’s Presidential Commission for LGBT Initiatives. In 2021, Mashaun was selected as a member of the inaugural cohort of the Rising Leaders Fellowship.
He holds a professional writing degree from Georgia Perimeter College, a Bachelor of Science in Communications from Kennesaw State University, and a Master of Divinity from Emory University's Candler School of Theology.