Opting Out Of Christmas? 4 Non-Traditional Ways for LGBTQ People To Celebrate On Their Terms
'Tis the season to be jolly. Or depressed. Or overwhelmed. Or just plain over it. For all its reputation as a joyful time, the holiday season can be a serious emotional drain.
There's the urge to give the perfect gift, countless social obligations, not to mention the financial pressures that come with giving loved ones a picture-perfect holiday. For LGBTQ+ people, the holidays can bring unique stresses—from awkward conversations at the family dinner table to no family dinner table in the first place.
It's enough to make "the most wonderful time of year" a period of intense stress, and even depression, with one study estimating up to 5 percent of Americans experience "holiday blues," especially likely if they happen to be queer.
If the general stress of the holidays makes you want to opt out or find a different, low-key way to mark the end of the year, you're in luck. This winter is full of ways to connect, spread cheer and enjoy the season—on your own terms.
A Post-Family Breather: Love Bug Eats Christmas Party
"As you get older, holidays are not the same. Sometimes you just have to push through," says Shabazz Ingram, who runs Love Bug Eats catering in Decatur with his husband, Anthony.
The couple decided to host a queer-friendly dinner on December 25. The spread is designed for everyone from those without family to those a little exhausted of their family.
"Let's do something different. Let's have a party," Shabazz says. "Make your own memories with people you may not know."
December marks the culmination of several milestones for Shabazz and Anthony Ingram— one year at the helm of their Decatur catering business, one year of marriage, and on December 25, their first Love Bug Eats Christmas Party.
The event marks the culmination of a year of hard work and an opportunity to bring together community members when they need it most.
“As you get older, holidays are not the same. Sometimes you just have to push through.”
- Shabazz Ingram of Love Bug Eats
While initially toying with a December 24 date, the Ingrams decided to host an event on Christmas night, when next to nobody is open for business, would do the most good.
"We came to the conclusion that actually doing it on Christmas would make it more impactful," Anthony says.
The couple says they envisioned the event as an adult getaway for people exhausted from a day of non-stop family time. At the same time, the men thought it could be an excellent option for people quietly coping with isolation this time of year.
"Most people are not going to say anything; they'll just go along with the day," says Anthony, Shabazz adding: "It will give people who don't have any family something to do."
The couple plans on partying until midnight—perfect, Anthony says, for people who need to work on Christmas but still want a little holiday cheer. And don't worry: With sticky bourbon ribs and garlic shrimp and broccoli on the menu, it won't be a rehash of November.
"Non-traditional Christmas food, if you will," Anthony says. "Everybody just had turkey and ham and dressing!"
A Secular Soiree: Shambhala Atlanta Winter Solstice Celebration
The Shambhala Meditation Center of Atlanta's Winter Solstice Celebration is a source of holiday light. Based in Decatur, this long-standing Buddhist hub will open its doors on December 17 for an evening of music, food, and camaraderie for people of all faiths or none at all says Center Director Sue Gilman.
The center hosts spiritual discussions and meditation gatherings from week to week, including groups explicitly geared toward people of color and LGBTQ+ people.
The evening will feature a reading of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Story"— a secular tale of a miser-turned-philanthropist with a uniquely Buddhist vibe, says Shambhala Board Vice Chair Edwin Ashhurst.
"It very much meshes with what we believe is the fundamental nature of man," he says. "That all people have an ethos of basic goodness."
"Being together and celebrating and enjoying one another's company is always an important thing to do. This time of year is a good excuse."
- Sue Gilman of Shambhala Meditation Center of Atlanta
The celebration aligns with the astronomical solstice, the point during which we experience the shortest day and longest night of the year due to the Earth's positioning in the sky. After the solstice, days will increasingly become longer. A literal "return to the light," Gilman says, is a great time for people to inject positivity into their day-to-day lives.
"Being together and celebrating and enjoying one another's company is always an important thing to do," Gilman says. "This time of year is a good excuse."
Leave the Hubbub: Try a Gay Getaway
The holidays are synonymous with travel, and not necessarily in a good way. Flight delays and cancellations, high ticket prices, and long lines make traveling between November and January sound like a headache. But with some planning, a quick winter getaway can be as no-fuss as any other time of year. It can also be a fantastic way to close out the year, says Philip Sheldon, president of HE Travel, a Utah-based travel company specializing in adventure trips for LGBTQ+ travelers.
Sheldon says the group has offered holiday trips throughout its 50-year history, with warm destinations like Thailand particularly popular. This month, the group will lead a trip to Costa Rica; in early January, HE travelers will head to Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula.
"Many of our holiday travelers are singles or couples who do not have family to visit," Sheldon says. "This is especially true for LGBTQ people estranged from their families."
The most obvious concern of taking on holiday travel is the expense. Sheldon suggests cutting costs by being creative with your travel dates, considering early December or even early January.
“Many of our holiday travelers are singles or couples who do not have family to visit. This is especially true for LGBTQ people estranged from their families.”
- Philip Sheldon of HE Travel
"For example, flights from Atlanta are usually completely sold out on December 26 and 27," he says. "Flights are usually much cheaper just before New Year's Eve."
Gearing Up for 2023: A New Year's Retreat
In late 2020, Althea Lawton-Thompson says she felt particularly called to the North Georgia mountains. Like most people, the spiritual healer and owner of Atlanta-based Aerobics, Yoga & More had struggled to process the fiasco of a year that was 2020.
She says she felt she'd find peace in the mountains for some reason. So Lawton-Thompson took a road trip, spending six days free of electronics and people.
"That quiet time alone allowed so much healing to take place, and it really cleared my mind," she says. "That was the impetus for me saying more people need to do this."
The result is "The Renewal: A New Year's Eve Retreat," a four-day getaway at Elohee in the Blue Ridge Mountains. From Dec 30-Jan 2, attendees will experience yoga, meditation, journaling, and other exercises she says are built around releasing the past, grounding in the present, and preparing for the future.
While Lawton-Thompson has hosted retreats for over a decade, this is only her second for New Year's. The year-end, she says, is a particularly ideal time to do self-reflection and improvement.
“There's just been so much loss and pain and trauma. They really don't give a damn about sexual orientation. They don't give a damn about age. People need to heal.”
- Althea Lawton-Thompson of Living Life Limitlessly
"People walked away last year completely different," she says. "They were ready to tackle whatever needed to be handled."
Lawton-Thompson pointed to the conflict of the last few years—from Covid-19 to racial protests—as sources of the type of ongoing stress the retreat seeks to ease. In one session, she says participants will plant seeds to symbolize their hope for the future.
"There's just been so much loss and pain and trauma," she says. "They really don't give a damn about sexual orientation. They don't give a damn about age. People need to heal."
While her retreats draw people of all backgrounds and ages, Lawton-Thompson has a particular focus on Black folks, many of whom she thinks can benefit from practices like yoga or meditation but fear it may be at odds with their Christian faith. When she first arrived in Georgia in 2005, she says just the word yoga turned some would-be attendees off.
Over time, however, she says more and more people of color have shown up. It's an exciting and much-needed evolution she hopes can help more brown people find new tools to heal traumas or release stress.
"Some of the same people who said they were afraid and said their pastor couldn't know they were coming to class are repeat retreaters," Lawton-Thompson says. "I see the opening and the change."
Dionne Walker-Bing is an Atlanta-based reporter with over a decade of experience. Walker offers a distinct voice and unique skill for capturing the stories of diverse communities, perfected while writing for The Associated Press, The Capital-Gazette (Annapolis), and a variety of other daily publications throughout the Southeast. When she’s not writing features, Walker is busy traveling, crafting, or perfecting her vinyasa yoga skills.