In All Things, Give Thanks: CNP Tribe On A Year Of Gratitude
As we approach the beginning of the holiday season and the last weeks before the start of a new year, it’s imperative that we begin to give thanks, not just on the official holiday but every day throughout the year. If you’re reading this, congratulations, you’re still surviving a pandemic that has taken over 5 million lives globally nearly two years after its emergence. That alone is a reason to give thanks. But let’s be clear, Black gay men were navigating an epidemic and a host of other challenges before COVID-19 arrived, which can often make it difficult to exist in a continuous space of gratitude. But it is not impossible. It is an intentional act to choose joy and gratitude, especially in the midst of life’s challenges. “If you can change your mind, you can change your life,” wrote philosopher William James.
At CNPs inception, Charles Stephens, our founder, and executive director, had to believe that an organization could exist to counter the narrative about Black gay men that could also influence policy and save lives. And now seven years later, CNP continues to lead in narrative justice work that is having a meaningful impact on the lives of Black gay men, but it all began with positive and purposeful intent. We believe that powerful storytelling has the ability to change hearts and minds. So what story are you telling about yourself? Are you leaving room to celebrate your wins, no matter the size? Are you extending the same grace to yourself as you extend to others when they fall short? Have you taken the time to look in the mirror while channeling your inner Issa Dee to remind yourself that you are indeed the sh**, and while life’s curveballs may sometimes throw you off-center, you are the master of your own fate?
If your answer to these questions is no, or even sometimes, then there remains an opportunity for you to be intentional about finding moments big and small to be thankful for and to exist in gratitude.
The Reckoning is grateful to have members of the CNP Tribe share their experiences with gratitude over the past year below in their own words.
Michael Ward
Host, Revolutionary Health
The pandemic drew me closer to my Black queer friendships, my family, and my chosen family. I am not an island. My support system holds me down. I’m thankful for the barrage of “I just wanna make sure you’re good’ and “I love you” texts. The check-ins mean so much. I’m working through my fear of being hurt by other Black men in platonic and romantic relationships. I am thankful to love and to be loved. Thank you therapy!
I’m thankful for Josh Jenkins, my brilliant BLACK, GAY, stuck at home creative partner. After a year and a half, we finally met for the first time outside of the Hollywood squares, as Rev. Duncan Teague calls them. I cherish you.
I am thankful for who I am becoming. I hope to soak up the sweetness of this life. In the words of Meshell Ndegeocello from “Thankful (Comfort Woman):” “Just wanna be happy and thankful, not just try to get through.”
Rev. Duncan Teague
Pastor, Abundant LUUv
The memories of my anxious worries came back to me as I wondered what I was grateful for today. There is regret about the time when I was so much younger and did not see the great life I had. I did not love some magnificent people as strongly as I might have, but we are not young forever and gratitude comes with some ease now. I have my basic needs not only met but surpassed and I am so thankful. I also share this time in my life with a good man who knows and loves me, and I know him, care for him, and love him deeply. If you put the two huge life benefits I have listed together, then the only things left to be concerned about are spiritual and philosophical matters. There, on that field, I feel covered and smothered and all those wonderful things that happen to hash browns at Waffle House.
I feel loved by something greater than myself, an unexplainable force for good. I am able, without hesitation, to claim a love of myself that has been a hard-fought battle. This sounds like I am done. But the last thing I am most grateful for is that I am not finished. I am not yet done with this project called life. So much is left to play with, to discover, and to work.
Craig Washington
Writer, Activist
I am grateful for having reached my 61st birthday. This is no small feat for a Black gay man born in NYC coming of age just as the death angel of AIDS descended. I have been HIV+ for most of my life. Over 36 years, I was only seriously ill once. One friend revealed shortly after I mended, "We thought we were gonna lose you." I am grateful they didn’t.
I get to have everyday conversations with my big brother Kenny and my dear friend Maurice. I have lifelong friends who keep me near, those who had to remind me of my worth when my confidence was broken. I get to write, share perspectives, and tell stories that others find useful. I have a therapist who brings clarity to the muddiness. This year I began dating someone very special and I am grateful for having the will and desire to be so warmly embraced. I am reminded of how terms “able” and “help me” function in gospel and R&B lyrics (i.e., “if you’re able” and “somebody help me"). I am grateful to be able to enjoy the fullness of my life today. And when I ask “somebody to help me," I am grateful to all who answer yes.
Anthony Antoine
Recording Artist, Activist
I am thankful for life itself. I wake daily and remind myself of the gift to wake again to see another day, to smile at the simple things, to impact someone’s day in a positive way. While I’m so grateful for the life I live and the wonderful ways I’ve been blessed, it’s life’s simple things that I’m most grateful for. A doughnut for breakfast, a chirping bird landing on my balcony, a friend calling to say hello, the sun shining bright, even clouds on a cloudy day, I find joy even in the grey days. I am grateful for the functionality of my body doing its best on most days. I am even grateful for wrinkles, grey hair, and extra pounds. They all remind me that I’m alive and growing older, something I never imagined as a young Black boy. I’m so thankful for being both Black and gay, that togetherness I embrace like never before. I’m grateful for the lesson of being present in the now and the lesson that living in gratitude creates more to be grateful for.
Alvin Agarrat
Filmmaker
When I reflect on CNP and being inducted into CNP’s Circle of 7, I am immediately struck by how fortunate I am to be in this place at this time. I am grateful to be surrounded by such a group of affirming and empowering gay Black men. I have had many special moments with CNP, but the common thread is how they consistently educate, empower, and encourage brothers like myself to use our voices loudly and proudly in the pursuit of positive change and acceptance of Black gay men.
Daddy Rod
Leather/Kink Enthusiast
I’m thankful for life. Over the past several years, many great people in my life have transitioned. Their spirit surrounds me every day; a spirit of love and compassion. Every Thanksgiving, I thank the Most High for the breath of life so I can give it to those who feel alone and are hurting. That brings me joy in my life.
Justin C. Smith
Public Health Professional
I know that I am not alone in my experience of this year as one marked by profound grief and loss. However, the heaviness that characterized much of my year only deepened the gratitude I feel for the joy that I also experienced. I am thankful for the unconditional love and support I always receive from my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather, both of whom became ancestors this year. I am thankful that I walked the streets that James Baldwin walked in Paris and visited the birthplace of the idea of democracy in Athens. I am thankful that I was able to resume bearing witness to friends publicly pledging their love for one another and to dance with them and share in their joy. I am thankful for strengthening relationships with my family of origin and with my chosen family, despite not seeing some of them in person for nearly two years. I am thankful to have a rewarding career in public health where I am surrounded by people who are dedicated to improving the human condition. I am thankful that I learned to seek and accept support from my “tribe of warriors and outlaws” in my times of need, which only expanded my capacity to hold space for others in theirs.
