To Have And To Hold: How Unconventional Starts Led Two Black LGBTQ Couples Down The Aisle
Takia Canty, 40, is aware that lesbians have a reputation for moving quickly into relationships. She hadn’t dated her then-girlfriend Nastassja Canty, 37, a full month before she was certain that Nastassja would be her wife. To many onlookers, their relationship appeared to be moving at lightning speed, but for the Canty’s, the whirlwind romance that led them down the aisle in an intimate Las Vegas ceremony in June—after being introduced by a mutual acquaintance in 2004—and then losing contact for 17 years, felt like fate.
“It was an underlying attraction between us that we never played on,” said Takia, who tells The Reckoning that both women were in relationships when they initially met but waited until those relationships ended before they explored their mutual attraction.
“And then I kind of slid in her DM, maybe three or four years later. But I was tipsy,” Takia jokingly recalls.
The DM from Takia to Nastassja (pronounced N ah - S t ah - S ee - ah) was short. She simply wrote: “Missing you.”
But to the surprise of both women, the distance in terms of years and miles was about to be reduced significantly following Takia’s move from Atlanta to the Dallas suburb of Richardson, TX—where, coincidentally, Nastassja also lived nearby.
“After 21 years, I decided to leave Atlanta. I needed a new start. I needed some freshness,” Takia said. “I didn't even know that she lived here, to be honest.”
“I saw she was in Dallas. I sent her a message, and I said, Takia, are you in Dallas? And she never responded,” Nastassja recalls.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” Takia says through a soft apologetic voice layered with an awareness of how their story turned out.
After 17 years apart, Nastassja’s grief after the death of her aunt became the catalyst for their reunion.
“I automatically reached out first out of concern. I had just lost my father in 2020, so I understood what that felt like,” Takia said.
The two reconnected first over FaceTime, before planning to see each other in person after Nastassja’s return to Texas following the burial of her aunt in Louisiana.
“I think it [FaceTime] solidified for me what I felt all those years before, because I promise, we picked up where we left off, and I could tell she was blushing,” said Takia.
There was only one obvious obstacle they’d have to overcome—this was Nastassja’s first time being in love. She tells The Reckoning that although she had experience with relationships, they didn’t compare to what she was now feeling for Takia.
“I don't think it was love. It was a strong like, but never in love where I felt that I couldn't go a day without being with the person,” Nastassja said.
“Okay, you have never been in love? Well, talk to me about what love looks like,” Takia recalls saying during a conversation she had with her future wife. “Or let me show you how I [choose to show] love. And then let me teach you how to love me.”
Becoming Johnson-Norwood
Similar to the message from Nastassja to Takia that initially went ignored, Mel Johnson-Norwood’s invitation for drinks with his future husband Franklin, during their time in Atlanta for The National Black College Alumni Hall of Fame Weekend, ended with him being stood up.
The Durham, NC residents are both HBCU alums, members of Kappa Alpha Psi, and are deeply entrenched in HBCU culture. With Mel, 39, Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs at Winston-Salem State University having matriculated through Alabama State University, and Franklin, 39, Director of Alumni Relations at Virginia State University, also his alma mater. Mel tells The Reckoning that despite having never met Franklin in person before the alumni weekend, he knew exactly who he was after hearing him call his name from across the room inside the Hyatt Hotel as he was checking in for the event.
“We had been connected on social media for some time. If you look at his Facebook page, 80% of what he posts is about Virginia State University,” said Mel. “So I looked when he called me, [and said] oh, that's the Virginia State guy!”
Upon further inspection of Franklin’s Facebook page, Mel says he believed he’d found the reason why Franklin stood him up.
“While I was waiting for him to call me so we could have drinks, I noticed that his Facebook page said that he was in a relationship,” Mel said.
Or so he thought.
The next evening, at a scheduled alumni event attended by both men, Mel found himself in a seat next to Franklin.
“Frankie always says that of all the seats that were in the place, I came and sat directly next to him.”
Franklin recalls Mel’s knee touching his knee repeatedly throughout the evening.
“As we were sitting next to each other, I noticed that he was flipping through some [dating apps] on his phone,” Mel recalls. “I said, oh, he's not in a relationship.”
Mel’s observation was correct, resulting in Franklin promptly escorting him back to his hotel room at the end of the evening.
“I had a very early flight. I was going back to my room to pack. Let me clear that up,” Mel said through laughter. “He came back to my room, and he watched me pack.”
The following Monday, there was an edible arrangement of chocolate-covered strawberries from Franklin delivered to Mel’s office. It was the first of many sweet gestures initiated by both men during the early stages of their courtship that separated their past relationships from what they intuitively knew would lead to a serious commitment.
For months, the couple traveled to see each other, with Mel residing in Winston-Salem, NC, and Franklin in Prince George’s County, MD. They managed to have a real first date over Thai food at Neramitra Thai Cuisine in Arlington, VA. But watching Mel spring into action after Franklin’s parents lost their home in a fire is what Franklin says sealed the deal for him.
“I was in a crisis,” Franklin said. “He literally walked out of the room, went upstairs, and packed a bag. He was like, ‘Hey, get yourself together, we’ve got to go to Virginia.’ That showed me—like, wow, I'm in a crisis and he’s got me,” he said.
Tying The Knot
Takia Canty and Mel Johnson-Norwood both took the first step towards marriage by proposing to their partners on New Year’s Eve. With Mel and Franklin beginning in 2021, and Takia and Nastassja beginning in 2022 as engaged couples.
“I don't know if this is right or not, but I know that no matter what, I want to do it with you,” Takia recalls telling Nastassja shortly after their couple status received an upgrade.
“Let me show you how I [choose to show] love. And then let me teach you how to love me.”
- Takia Canty (Photo Credit: The Little White Wedding Chapel)
Both couples waited to announce their engagement and wedding details. The Cantys knew there might be chatter about how quick their courtship was, and the Johnson-Norwoods pre-planned their announcement to coincide with the arrival of their engagement photos.
It was now time to plan one of the most important events of their adult lives. The Cantys ultimately decided on a small intimate affair with Takia’s best friend, who also served as the couple’s stylist and makeup artist, along with her best friend’s wife, both of whom were witnesses to their union on June 4, 2022, at The Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, after abandoning their first plan to elope. The couple also splurged on accommodations at The Venetian Hotel and Anita Baker concert tickets after jumping the broom.
While the Cantys chose a smaller ceremony, the Johnson-Norwoods decided to go all-out for their nuptials at Brick & Ivey in Marietta, GA, on April 22, 2022.
“I came up with a nice number in my mind,” said Mel, referring to their wedding budget. “And then I asked Frankie, I said, how much do you think we should spend? Frankie said about $20,000, and I was like, damn! At first, I said, $5,000. Then I said, you know, go big—go $10,000. And neither five, nor ten, nor $20,000 was enough.”
With the 2021 national average cost of a wedding totaling $28,000 ($34,000 including the engagement ring), according to The Knot, the exorbitant cost of the Johnson-Norwood wedding was becoming clear, even before the additional cost of hiring a wedding planner.
“The first thing couples should consider before walking down the aisle or hiring a wedding planner is solidifying their budget and guest list,” said Russell Wendell, a gay Atlanta-based wedding and event planner and owner of Russell Wendell Events.
“Write down the guests that you want to be a part of your wedding day. And have an honest conversation with your partner about how much you can realistically spend. Those are conversations that should happen before looking at any venues or even before looking at an event planner,” said Wendell.
The Johnson-Norwoods chose a Black-owned event planning company led by Tuskegee University alums, and twin sisters Krista Ashshaheed and Kristy Randle, to create their dream wedding.
“I see how some vendors in the industry will take your money, but they don't necessarily advertise or celebrate you. And that can be based upon race, that can be based upon age. But it also can be regarding sexuality.”
- Russell Wendell (Photo Credit: LaJoy Photography)
“We ended up going with Stunning Soirees for our wedding planning,” said Mel. "And it was for a number of reasons. We wanted to support Black women, and we wanted to support other HBCU and D9 alums. We also wanted people who had done same-gender weddings before. As we were working with vendors, we realized how hetero-normative a lot of their work is. I would always remind them that there is no bride in this wedding party. And so making sure that we were referred to as a wedding party, and that we were referred to as grooms because that matters.”
Wendell agrees.
“I see how some vendors in the industry will take your money, but they don't necessarily advertise or celebrate you. And that can be based upon race, that can be based upon age. But it also can be regarding sexuality,” he said. “So make sure that this is someone that considers it an honor and a privilege to work with you so they can put their best foot forward.”
On their wedding day, the Johnson-Norwoods had a final guest list of 128. Overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support for their union, the couple tells The Reckoning that they wish more guests could have been included on their wedding day.
To manage costs, Wendell implores couples to think twice before allowing their guest list to explode.
“I think it's incredibly important to have a room filled with love, as you say I do. And inviting your third-grade teacher that you haven't talked to in 15 years or your parent’s neighbors from 20 years ago—I’m not sure if you want the per-person price that is allocated for them to enjoy a meal when they don't even know who you are. Make sure that your guests are actual stakeholders of your relationship,” Wendell said.
“As we were working with vendors, we realized how hetero-normative a lot of their work is. I would always remind them that there is no bride in this wedding party. And so making sure that we were referred to as a wedding party, and that we were referred to as grooms because that matters.”
- Mel Johnson-Norwood (Photo Credit: Adam Opris Photography)
Or you can duplicate the Cantys guest list with their wedding party of four, although you should expect some loved ones to be upset.
“Some people are a little salty because they weren't invited,” said Nastassja. “It was just something that we wanted to do just for us. But later this year we’re going to have something that everybody can be a part of.”
“My mom blessed Nastassja on her wedding day with these beautiful blue earrings for something blue,” Takia said. "She calls Nastassja her daughter. Those are the things that are important to me, especially because we both grew up in the church.”
The Johnson-Norwoods had officiants and members of their wedding party pull out weeks before their wedding day because of their religious opposition to their union.
“I was pissed off with those people for not having the same courage, if you will, that we have,” said Mel.” But I also understand that the mantle they wear is theirs and they get to decide how they want to use it.”
“There are not too many same-gender-loving couples that are both in the same field or in the same fraternity that are out,” said Franklin. “Somebody said, ‘You guys had courage.’ And I had to think about why they were saying that. Yes, it did take courage for us to do that.”
Photo credits courtesy of subject, unless otherwise specified.
